Never Gray

i drew a picture a while ago. i was sure it was finished. But when i looked at it, i was shocked to find that it was gray. Completely gray. No definition of character, or place, of anything. No light, no shadow - it was all shadow. A shadow: no substance, yet full of darkness. Shame, that overbearing brute, forced me to the ground at the sight of this picture that i had so proudly shown everyone. What a fool they must think me! How they must despise me! And so i have kept my picture hidden away. i recently took it out, and noticed that the nights had drawn their dark lines into my picture, defining the vague. And yet, i can’t tell what my drawing is anymore, whether it is pleasant or repulsive. Maybe if color - but no. i have no colors in my possession, only gray. i know One who has many colors, and uses them in all His works. i suspect He wishes to have a hand in my picture, and maybe that’s where its lines, those sure lines, came from. i think i’ll invite Him over today and see what He can do with it. Maybe then, i could show my picture to people and they would like it. Every picture of His that i have ever seen is exquisitely beautiful. Never gray.

beauty

i'll see if i can articulate this properly. You can definitely help me out by commenting below if there is anything you want to say on the subject that i might have been unclear on or completely missed. :)

So, we all know that creation was made in such a way that it points to God and explains Him in part and draws us to worship Him, right? When we see thundering waterfalls or vibrant, heavenly sunsets or gentle forests, our response, we know, ought to be to become completely awestruck and in love with the Creator. But what about when we see people? I'm not just talking about people who are physically beautiful, though that's a gift as well. I'm talking about ALL people. People are not just part of creation - they are made to be God's glory. God boasted about Job to Satan. He didn't boast about the Grand Canyon or the aurora borealis. He boasted about a MAN. Creation wasn't complete until He had made man. He made man in HIS image! Do you ever wonder at that concept? Not only are we eternal, but i believe it also means that each of us have bits of His beauty in us. Attributes of our Father that we naturally display. I don't mean just believers either. I mean everyone. I know you have all seen that person who seems to radiate with physical and internal beauty. They just seem to attract people everywhere they go. You can't help but fall in love with them. i would like to suggest that, while that is a gift given to them by God, there is a bit of that in the most unlovable person, and i would challenge you to look for that beauty in people in your life that you find hard to love. Maybe it's in their fearless heart. Or their simple joy in small things. Or the way they will quietly serve you without a word of complaint or reproach. God puts things like that in everyone to remind us of Him, and to help us love each other. In Ezekiel 16, He gives this eloquent story of His love for Israel. He starts out by talking about how she was unwanted (abhorred, actually) by everyone and left on the side of the road, in blood and filth.Yet, He takes her in, makes a vow to her so that she becomes His, and He endows her with all this royal beauty. And He says, in verse 14, "your fame went forth among the nations on account of your beauty, which was made perfect because of My splendor which I bestowed upon you." He doesn't say "...on account of your beauty, which I gave to you once you became Mine". He says, "...on account of your beauty, which was made perfect..." I think that that is what God does in us when we become His. He doesn't put beauty in us. We weren't entirely ugly before we came to know Him. We did have ugliness (sin) in us, and it very much consumed us, but when we came to Him, He took it out of us and cultivated the beauty which He had already put in us, and continues to do so, so that His beauty is perfected in us. My point in saying that is not to downplay the seriousness of sin, or our own natural filth. I say this because i don't want you to come away  from this with the elitist, christianese, holier-than-thou mindset that we tend to have when finding out what God does in us, and look down on the ones who don't have their beauty "perfected". I want you to see the beauty in the lost, because THAT is what drives me to my knees praying for them and loving them. I see the beauty that the sin and destruction of the world is corroding in them and i see what incredible things God could make with that beauty and i want it to flourish in His care instead of wither and die in corruption. Do not think that i am telling you to focus on people instead of God. Because i see this beauty in people, i tend to love them too much, and not entirely in Jesus' ways. That is one of my faults, and that is my disclaimer. I have been hesitant to write about this because of my failings in this area, but after praying about it, and observing the lack of love i see because people don't see that beauty at all, i feel i should write about it anyway. I am learning to worship God as a result of observing people, and i am learning to love people better as a result of seeing Jesus' beauty in them, and that is my hope for you.

!!!!!

Okay... so... i'm going to start rambling... i'm going to try to edit this down so that it makes more sense, but we'll see if that actually happens.
I've been realize just how much of a choice joy is. I know we hear that all the time, but it's true. It doesn't matter what is happening in your life... how uncertain your future is... how much your heart is hurting... how much your body is hurting... you can still have joy. That doesn't mean that everything just goes away. but that means that you're choosing to focus on Christ and be grateful to Him and cling to Him and everything He has provided.  A verse that has been tapping me on the shoulder since i read it on Sunday is John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Let me define "abundant" for you. According to dictionary.com, "abundant" consists of 1) present in great quantity; more than adequate; over-sufficient. 2) well-supplied; abounding. 3) richly supplied.
okay. i have to admit... i get kind of irritated when i hear believers talk about abundant life as though it's only going to happen when we get to heaven. It starts NOW, guys! He gave us, as a pledge of our inheritance, the Holy Spirit! As a PLEDGE!!! A down-payment! He just gave us the gift of Himself living inside of us, of having a Comforter, a Counselor, an Advocate and soooo much more right in us at our disposal just as God's promise that there's far more coming! Just that should make us feel the abundance of this life we have! Not even going further on into everything God provides!
and yet... how often does every day feel like a battle that you've lost? How often does every day seem "normal"? How often does it feel like a monotonous routine? In the words of the esteemed Blimey Cow, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!" In Christ, each day is an empty plate that's going to be filled with amazing food that you don't even know about yet! Maybe i'm just hungry right now, but that's the first thing that came to my mind. The point is... there are so many opportunities to see Jesus and to serve Him that we continuously pass by and then complain about how boring and hard this life is. Life ISN'T hard when we cling to Jesus! The painful things don't leave us, perhaps, but the pain is eased by the joy and peace that we have (not will have, but do have) in Jesus when we choose to accept it. He promises this Himself in Matthew 11:28-30. "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Jesus says that! Are you seriously going tell me that Jesus was mistaken or delusional when He said that?
Have abundant life! Take Jesus' yoke! Take hold of His joy!  

Okay. Now you can tell me how hard your life is and how i don't understand. Actually, don't tell me. (fine, you can if you REALLY want to. :P) Tell Jesus. :)

update: what i am learning

So, i've posted some posts about things that have been on my mind, but i haven't really said anything about what i'm personally learning, and i wanted to share a little of that. i would like to use scripture to show that i'm not completely off my rocker, but i'm not going to go looking for verses to support my thoughts, because i don't want to take stuff out of context, so i'm hoping the Holy Spirit will lay some on my heart. If not, consider it like a journal entry, except spiritual and public. Ok, i'm rambling and i haven't even gotten started yet (here's a side of me you haven't seen :P).
So, to majorly summarize, i've been learning the power of God. i'm learning it in weakness. i'm learning that He is not limited by my stumblings. That He does not despise me and refuse to work through me simply because i'm being pathetically faithless in something at the moment. He is not limited by unfortunate circumstances. There is no terrible thing which He has not seen, and no terrible thing which He refuses to have a hand in if we will let Him. He is not limited by my weakness. He uses that which i see as weak in me to break pride in others and to build spirits in love. He's not limited by my "strengths" - those things which i assume i have mastered and don't need any further instruction in. He uses those things to break me.  There is literally nothing i can do or that can happen that can obstruct His will. If that's not encouraging, i don't know what is!
I have issues talking to people. i've always seen it as a horrible hindrance to ministering to people. But because i am slow of tongue, when i do speak, people listen, and when i can't speak, God made my face so expressive that my eyes alone say more than i could, and He uses that. Isn't that crazy? He uses my silence! i don't know about your God, but my God is indescribably awesome. My God makes something out of nothing, in every sense of the phrase. oh, AND He's really sweet about it when i'm dead wrong. When i start getting frustrated cuz i'm weak and helpless and immature, He just laughs at my foolish little thoughts and uses me when i least deserve it, just to show me He can. How can we grow numb to such a God? How can we mindlessly sing songs about how great He is without being truly awestruck? How can we tune out the stories of His power and worship of Him when we hear others testify of His power, just because we've "heard it all before"?

Jesus. is. awesome.

(so, obviously no verses came up. Feel free to share some that came to your mind!)

Stop Being Fake

I'm talking to you. Not the 10 other people that are popping into your mind right now who you think need to start being real with other people. You. This post may be harsher than usual, because it's something that i'm very passionate about, and, i tried to wait until i could calm down about it, but i realized that that's not going to happen, so just expect it. :P
I'm going to tell you what i have been seeing, and i'm going to tell you that there are quite a few who have expressed the same observations to me. Now, i am talking particularly to the ladies, but guys, i'm sure some of this applies to you too, so don't shrug it off. This is how my conversations with most of you go. I ask you how you are doing, and you say you're fine or you give some christianese answer to deflect the question to make me feel unspiritual if i want to dig a little deeper, or you try to satiate my concern by complaining about school or work and just how busy your life is. Do i want to know the latter? sure. But i when i ask "how are you doing?" i mean it in the deepest sense of the question. i mean in your heart and in your spirit. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me about it, that's ok. But just tell me that. i won't be offended. Oh. side note. When i say "i", i'm not talking about just me. I'm talking about all your brothers and sisters in Christ. This isn't a rant about a personal issue i have to get off my chest. This is a real problem in the body of Christ. And i can tell when you aren't telling me everything there is to tell. When you're saying something surfacey. It just concerns me more. You don't have to tell me what's up. But there are many of you who i am almost certain don't talk to anyone about what's going on. Pick someone. Someone who's grounded in God's word, and who won't just make you feel good when you come to them, but someone who will challenge you when your perspective is wrong. It's biblical! "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17) We're supposed to have that kind of relationship with other believers, and i'm worried that many of you don't have that. I see many of you isolating yourselves completely, because you're afraid of getting hurt or you think your strong enough or something. That's pride. I don't care how - wait, let me rephrase that - i do care how much you've been hurt or whatever, but to let that keep you from building up other believers and being built up by them is sooo wrong. It says you don't love the body of Christ. "Love keeps no record of wrongs" 1 Corinthians 13:5). We're humans. We're going to fail you. You're going to fail us. But that's the beautiful thing about being bonded in Christ! He makes it so that those relationships can be fixed! So that in spite of our own issues, we can draw each other closer to Christ! You need the support of other believers in your life. If you don't have that input, you will end up with some seriously messed up views on life, the body of Christ, and even Christ Himself. It will lead to very bad things.Proverbs 11:14 says "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." Again, i'm not saying you need to open up to me personally, or everyone in the church, but find a few people who you know will be a godly influence and build you up in love, and let them help you and ask Christ to help you to help them. Don't let your pride get in the way. I have a grand total of 2, MAYBE 3 girl friends, with whom i have the capability currently to have this kind of a relationship with. All the others won't let me get that close to them. I find that sad. May i just throw this in there, ladies. A few months ago, i exhorted you to pray for our young men. God is doing some serious work in them now, and we are the ones who are starting to lack a fervor for Christ and the body, generally speaking. Step it up!


Colossians 3:12-14 ~ "Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

I see no room for isolation or nursing wounds in that passage. Get over yourselves. now.

lessons from a caramel frappucino

Hehe, did my title catch your interest? I learned that clever strategy from my junior high English teachers. "You need to have an eye-catching title to get people to want to read your paper!" Sooo... does that mean that if mine's boring, you won't read it, Mrs. Schmuck?(yes, I just addressed a video teacher :P) Cuz I would totally be ok with that. I never got why teachers make an issue with that. :P Anyway... back to my topic...

No I'm not talking about the coffee drink. I'm talking about the lamb I adopted for a week while we were in Baja. He LOOKED like a caramel frappucino, so I named him Frap. Every time I dealt with him, it reminded me of how God deals with us, and helped me understand so much better why Christ calls Himself the Good Shepherd and why we are sheep. I've always heard that sheep are stupid, but I never really knew how stupid until I met Frap. I met him minutes before I was supposed to be holding him in my arms on stage as if I was completely enamored with my new pet. The pastor drove in with Frap in his pickup truck, and Frap was freaking me out. He was jumping 6 feet into the air (give or take a few feet :P) and crashing his body into the pavement when he fell and bleating like crazy. I honestly thought he was possessed. I figured out later, that he was only like that because he was terrified out of his mind because the pastor's dog kept barking at him and he was in a new place. So, I did not end up holding him on stage as planned. Mr. Lovel had to hold him there during the whole skit, with Frap bleating over every line. Do we ever act like that? Act like we're about to die and freak out unnecessarily when some "dog" barks at us (that's a metaphor, btw) or we find ourselves taking to some new place and we don't like it? Do we slam our bodies into the pavement in  absolute hysteria and then complain because it hurt? I know that I'm kind of stupid like that.
Once I had completed my VBS responsibilities for the day, I wandered over to the area where Frap was tied up to see if the little brat had any redeemable qualities. One of our team members had suggested to me to take a firm hold of his side and then start petting him. So, as I approached Frap, he jerked away from me as far as his rope would take him, and when I kept coming, he strained the rope in every direction, as if it would suddenly allow him to go further if he tried it a few inches over. There was nowhere he could go to get away from me, and yet he tried desperately. Sound familiar? I took hold of him, pressing firmly into both his sides, and he stopped. Only then did I start petting him. Our Shepherd has to do that with us, doesn't he? He has to show us that He is in control, and that we're safe (and stuck, in a good way) with Him before He can show us the riches of His love. When I petted Frap and whispered calming things to him, he became silent and peaceful, and nuzzled into me and just rested there, and that gave me the greatest joy. I think Jesus feels the same way when we rest in Him and find peace there. He knows that it's best for us and that we're completely satisfied there, and that pleases Him.
I had brought a whole huge bag of sunflower seeds to feed him, because according to my research, lambs like them. But whenever I offered them to him, he almost never took them. When he did eat them, he liked them alot. But usually, Frap would ignore my gift and instead nibble at random dried-up weeds in his area, or even my hair! And after a while, he wouldn't be satisfied with them and he'd start complaining. I don't think I even need to draw the parallel between Frap and us here. It is quite apparent how often we do the same thing with God. He offers us good food, and when we eat of it, we love it. But so often we don't want it, and we chew at gross things that don't end up making us happy and then we wonder why.
When I would leave Frap, or when anyone would leave him, for that matter, he would start bleating again, and would not stop. It kept people up at night, and they ended up hating him. But anyway, he was lonely. He wanted nothing more than to know that someone was with him. Now, unlike me, God doesn't ever leave us, but I think there is a very important point to be made. Do we even notice if we're not in His presence? We're always in His presence, but if we're separated from Him, I mean. If we left Him, would we feel it? or would we just continue on obliviously? Would we bleat out the moment we realized we weren't near Him? I find that idea very convicting.
There were days that I didn't meet with Frap because I had been an invalid for some reason or another. And I worried that the progress I had made with him would be lost. But I remember after my first day-long separation, I came over to him, and at first, he started backing away again, which he did with everyone who approached him. But I started whispering to him, and the moment he heard me, he came to me. Does that remind you of a certain verse? He recognized my voice and he wanted to be in my love. I cannot tell you the joy I took in that. Are we like that when we hear God's voice? Do we want His love that much?
I have alot more parallels I could draw from that week I had with Frap, but this post is already really long, so I will end here. But if you want to understand Christ and His dealings with us in a really personal way, go adopt a lamb! ;)

worthy of the gospel

Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; in no way alarmed by your opponents - which is a sign of destruction for them, but of salvation for you, and that too, from God. For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me. ~ Philippians 1:27-30

It may very well be that the above words are the clearest and most true that you will read on this post, because my mind has not been working well the past few days and even expressing myself through writing has become difficult. So feel free to explain what i neglect to, or address something that doesn't sound quite right.
That being said, this passage is a really cool passage. We often hear about conducting ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, but i think we tend to brush over it as one of those "be good now, children" admonishments. What does it really mean? Well, i think it has at least two meanings. The first is that the gospel, if we have the correct view of it, should be the most important concept on our mind. We should be valuing it more than most people value money or popularity. The gospel was created through the death of GOD! He deemed it THAT important! We should, as well. Do we act like we're worthy of possessing it? It's a precious gift, and alot of times, i know i don't act like i have it, much less that i'm worthy of possessing it. I don't think i explained that very well, but the Holy Spirit can explain it to you much better than i ever could anyway.
The second implication of "conducting ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" is that the gospel should have taken effect in our lives. Because of it, we can live completely free from guilt, shame, slavery to sin, fear, and the list goes on. We can have absolute confidence through Christ! But do our lives days look like that? I know i fail every day, letting fear and my old nature's desire to sin have control in my heart. This should not be so. I have the gospel of Christ. I have purity, boldness, love, longsuffering, and so much more through Christ because i have received His gospel. You have it too. take advantage of that.
The next part of the passage says "so that whether I come and see you, or remain absent, I will hear of you,  that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; in no way alarmed by your opponents - which is a sign of destruction for them, but of salvation for you, and that too, from God." I can list on one hand the believers i know that are renowned for their steadfastness, zeal for the gospel, and fearlessness of opposition. On ONE hand! Out of how many believers that i know??? and i am not one of those that i could list, just by the way. Our unity in trust in Christ and love for Him should be so vibrant that even those who are nowhere near us are being told of us! God has given us all the same ability to stand out like that in Him. We can't argue that some believers just have stronger personalities or are blessed with more gifts or whatever, because that has nothing to do with it. It is Christ that gives us that power, but we have to allow Him to have His way in us.  
The final point of the passage that i want to address is "For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake". Paul makes a point of saying that it has been granted, not just to believe in Him, but to suffer. I think alot of the time, we stop with the idea that we have been granted belief in Him, because that is the obvious gift and it's happy and gives us warm, fuzzy feelings and it's easy because we already believe in Him. But we don't think about the fact that we've been granted to suffer for His sake. Granted. That's a gift too. But if we're even mature enough to expect suffering for His sake, we don't act like it's a gift. We ask for God to make it stop and make it easy for us.  I'm not saying that it's unreasonable for you to not want to suffer for Him, because as a human being, it's totally natural. But as those striving to be more like Christ and bring Him more glory, i do think it is something that we should begin to accept as a gift.