Motives and Self-Deceit, Part 2

No, this isn't another deep post, really. It's a poem I wrote somewhat based off those problems. It's not very good because I wrote it purely for venting reasons, (side note: I am not this depressed on a regular basis; I was like this over a week ago.)but here it is:

d

The Hour of Revelation

d

Where are the stormclouds that should be hanging above?

The stars have overcome them.

The branches who dance so brightly with the breeze

Are out of tune with the dirge playing in my head.

d

Why I should be so in conflict with myself

Is something I do not know.

Which part of me is right, and which part

Needs to be rearranged?

g

The moon invites my to keep my tryst with him,

But tonight he only reminds me of the flaws

Wedged in the cracks of my heart.

Tonight, he holds no joy, but sorrow.

f

I live one way, but am I really someone else?

I never knew who I really was, and now

I wish I didn't.

Oh, evening, why must you always lay my secrets bare before me?

Motives and Self-deceit, Part 1

In one of my classes recently, we have been talking about our motives for doing good things. I wondered if my motives were true and right, so I prayed that the Holy Spirit would show me my real motives whenever I do something. I then started seeing my prideful spirit all over the place: "That girl dropped her books. Let me pick them up so she will think well of me.... and to be a good testimony of Christ." This is just one example, but there were many more. And then I wondered if it was possible to change my motives, because I tried but it wasn't working. Then the most puzzling question of all came up: If I do something for someone because I know it's right and I want them to have a good opinion of me, does that thing then become wrong for me because I'm not doing it for the right reasons? Does anyone have any answers to this? (By the way, the "self-deceit" part of the title has to do with the fact that I unconsciously deceived myself into thinking that my motives were pure and godly.)

Why am I trippin'?

I picked the name for this blog because first of all, if any of you know me, you know that I will trip over anything, even air! I also chose it because I 'trip' often in my Christian walk, and need Jesus to pick me back up, and hopefully this blog will be used to show His compassion in doing so for me repeatedly.

Romans 14:4 - "Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master, he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."