Sunday, December 19, 2010
Do we try to manipulate God?
The immediate response is, "Of course not! Who would be that stupid?!" Let me answer that: I would. God recently exposed to me a great failing of mine. In my prayers, I will often pray for patience or faith, as well as other good characteristics, but I have heard "horror stories" about what has happened when people pray for these things. I've heard people experiencing immense hardships and pain. So, in my prayers, I would stipulate exactly how I wanted to go about the growing of my spiritual life. I would say "Lord, give me more faith. But please don't take my friends away or put me in an undesirable situation". How foolish is that? Do I think I know better than God? Do I not know Him enough to think that He would be reckless and ruin other people's lives in the process of building my character? Doesn't he have the good of my soul in mind? Why would I think that He wouldn't know what He was doing? The only question I have for you is, do you have anything similar in your own life that needs to be changed?
Profile of a true friend
Have you ever felt even slightly rejected by your friends? Lately, I've felt that way (though perhaps it is only my own fault for being so sensitive). I've felt like my topics of conversation aren't interesting enough, I'm not funny, and I'm just plain awkward. But I just realized that every time I've felt this way, instead of feeling lonely and unwanted, I should have been observing the friend who has not rejected me. I was astonished when it came to me that I was so self-centered to not even think about the one person who will always take an interest in me. He is a real friend. He always let me do more than my share of the talking. He still associates Himself with me when I act like a complete idiot. He still has nothing but kindness for me when I don't want to talk to Him or listen to Him. He doesn't want me to change, as dorky and nerdy and lame as I am. He warns me when I'm put in a dangerous situation, when most friends would not want to say anything for fear of offending me. He does His best to make me likeable (if I let Him) to other people, in spite of my own stupidity and ugly soul. He sees how wicked my heart really is, and does not condemn me for it, even when I am hypocritical. He helps me get out of bad situations that I put myself in. The list continues and you have probably been bored by my incessant talking, but that is just the kind of friend Jesus is. And if I noticed His friendship all the time, I would find that He is the only friend I need.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
My Testimony
I realized that many of you may not know my testimony, so I wanted to share how God has worked in my life with you. This is a copied and pasted excerpt from a Word document, so it isn't perfect, but it will do the job.
I’ve been going to church since I was a baby. So if you asked me Sunday School questions, I could give you the Sunday School answers, like “Jesus”, “God”, “The Bible”, “pray”. I thought I was a exemplary church-going kid (at church); I knew all the right answers, I sat still and mess around, and participated in everything. At least I thought I was fooling everybody. At home, I did wrong things – I sinned. I fought with my brother behind my parent’s back and tormented him. He would talk to me while I was trying to read and I would wallop him. Then I made a bunch of promises I didn’t intend to keep to get him to shut up. I tyrannized him. I think one of the core problems was my rebellion. I knew that ,being a little kid, almost everyone could tell me what to do, but I couldn’t tell anyone else what to do. I wanted to think that I had lots of power – over myself and others. So ,in my mind, I thought up insults and emphatically hurled them at the people I was angry at. I hated them, with such an intense hatred. Of course, the hatred would go away after a while. But it was still hatred. Matthew 5:21-22 says, “You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” So, according to the Bible, I was guilty of murder.
I was not only hypocritical at church, but I was hypocritical directly to God. The only difference was God wasn’t fooled and I knew it. I made many false professions. They were mostly when I was waiting in my room for my consequences after I’d got caught doing something wrong. I usually told Jesus I was accepting Him as my Savior and “Lord of my life” (I didn’t mean it) if He put a force field around me so I wouldn’t get punished. I was an angel on Sunday and a brat the rest of the week. God knew I was a phony.
This continued until September 1, 2002, when I was up near Mt. Lassen on a camping trip. Some other Christians friends were with us that year. My brother and I were sitting unenthusiastically near the campfire for Breaking of Bread, a service we have on Sunday night to remember what Christ did for us, until one of our friends read Matthew 26:26-28, which says,
“As they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread and asked God’s blessing on it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, ‘Take it and eat it, for this is my body.’ And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, ‘Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which seals the covenant between God and His people. It is poured out to forgive the sins of many.’”
After I heard those verses, I started thinking about how Jesus had been spit on, whipped, beaten, scorned and how He had died. I realized how much He had suffered for me. I had heard the story many times before, but then it actually hit me. I could not bear to think of anyone going through that, much less for me. I was one of those people who had scorned Him and pierced His flesh because my sins had put Him on that cross. To think that He loved me this much even though I had been hateful towards Him made me wonder. I couldn’t understand it. It was too great for me to understand, but I knew all I could do in return was give my life to Him and love Him. I realized I was not a Christian. I knew that when I had prayed to Him before I had not meant it. My life had not changed becauses I had refused to change it.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says,
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
So, I told Jesus that I was sorry for all the sins I had committed and I was so thankful that He died on the cross for me and that He didn’t stay dead. He had risen. I told Him I accepted Him as my Savior and I wanted Him to be the Lord of my life. I asked him to please change my life.
Since then, I don’t often desire to sin, though I do sin sometimes. But when I sin, I confess it to Jesus and my parents. I am more patient with my brother and do not take things from him – usually. I am usually patient with him. I still sometimes blow up at him, but afterwards I apologize (and I’m sincere) and get the situation straightened out. That’s another thing! I never wanted to hear his side of the story before, but now I’m interested in his perspective. There are still areas in my relationship with him that I need to work on (with God’s help), but now I desire to have a good relationship with him. God’s Word, which was once dead to me, is now full of new truths and I find peace and guidance when I read it. I do not often think hateful things towards people because it doesn’t appeal much to me anymore. Jesus began making His will my own.
A time in my life came when God showed me his faithfulness and taught me faith. Two years ago, my grandmother died after a five-day warning. I was devastated, not only because of my relationship with her, but also because of the effect it had on my dad. My dad was my role model and confidante and I looked to him for everything. He had taken care of my grandmother even more than her husband had. So, when she died, he took it really hard. I found that I didn’t know him anymore because he seemed so unsure and indifferent about things. I began to be really angry, but I didn’t know who to be angry at. A week after my grandma died, my uncle (my dad’s only remaining family) also died. After both of these tragedies, I felt like the firm surface I had been standing on had disappeared. I then realized that I had put more faith in my dad than I had in God and that was why I had “fallen” when the one I trusted in most had swayed. I saw God at work through all this and really grew once I saw my need to grow in true faith.
I’ve been going to church since I was a baby. So if you asked me Sunday School questions, I could give you the Sunday School answers, like “Jesus”, “God”, “The Bible”, “pray”. I thought I was a exemplary church-going kid (at church); I knew all the right answers, I sat still and mess around, and participated in everything. At least I thought I was fooling everybody. At home, I did wrong things – I sinned. I fought with my brother behind my parent’s back and tormented him. He would talk to me while I was trying to read and I would wallop him. Then I made a bunch of promises I didn’t intend to keep to get him to shut up. I tyrannized him. I think one of the core problems was my rebellion. I knew that ,being a little kid, almost everyone could tell me what to do, but I couldn’t tell anyone else what to do. I wanted to think that I had lots of power – over myself and others. So ,in my mind, I thought up insults and emphatically hurled them at the people I was angry at. I hated them, with such an intense hatred. Of course, the hatred would go away after a while. But it was still hatred. Matthew 5:21-22 says, “You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” So, according to the Bible, I was guilty of murder.
I was not only hypocritical at church, but I was hypocritical directly to God. The only difference was God wasn’t fooled and I knew it. I made many false professions. They were mostly when I was waiting in my room for my consequences after I’d got caught doing something wrong. I usually told Jesus I was accepting Him as my Savior and “Lord of my life” (I didn’t mean it) if He put a force field around me so I wouldn’t get punished. I was an angel on Sunday and a brat the rest of the week. God knew I was a phony.
This continued until September 1, 2002, when I was up near Mt. Lassen on a camping trip. Some other Christians friends were with us that year. My brother and I were sitting unenthusiastically near the campfire for Breaking of Bread, a service we have on Sunday night to remember what Christ did for us, until one of our friends read Matthew 26:26-28, which says,
“As they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread and asked God’s blessing on it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, ‘Take it and eat it, for this is my body.’ And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, ‘Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which seals the covenant between God and His people. It is poured out to forgive the sins of many.’”
After I heard those verses, I started thinking about how Jesus had been spit on, whipped, beaten, scorned and how He had died. I realized how much He had suffered for me. I had heard the story many times before, but then it actually hit me. I could not bear to think of anyone going through that, much less for me. I was one of those people who had scorned Him and pierced His flesh because my sins had put Him on that cross. To think that He loved me this much even though I had been hateful towards Him made me wonder. I couldn’t understand it. It was too great for me to understand, but I knew all I could do in return was give my life to Him and love Him. I realized I was not a Christian. I knew that when I had prayed to Him before I had not meant it. My life had not changed becauses I had refused to change it.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says,
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
So, I told Jesus that I was sorry for all the sins I had committed and I was so thankful that He died on the cross for me and that He didn’t stay dead. He had risen. I told Him I accepted Him as my Savior and I wanted Him to be the Lord of my life. I asked him to please change my life.
Since then, I don’t often desire to sin, though I do sin sometimes. But when I sin, I confess it to Jesus and my parents. I am more patient with my brother and do not take things from him – usually. I am usually patient with him. I still sometimes blow up at him, but afterwards I apologize (and I’m sincere) and get the situation straightened out. That’s another thing! I never wanted to hear his side of the story before, but now I’m interested in his perspective. There are still areas in my relationship with him that I need to work on (with God’s help), but now I desire to have a good relationship with him. God’s Word, which was once dead to me, is now full of new truths and I find peace and guidance when I read it. I do not often think hateful things towards people because it doesn’t appeal much to me anymore. Jesus began making His will my own.
A time in my life came when God showed me his faithfulness and taught me faith. Two years ago, my grandmother died after a five-day warning. I was devastated, not only because of my relationship with her, but also because of the effect it had on my dad. My dad was my role model and confidante and I looked to him for everything. He had taken care of my grandmother even more than her husband had. So, when she died, he took it really hard. I found that I didn’t know him anymore because he seemed so unsure and indifferent about things. I began to be really angry, but I didn’t know who to be angry at. A week after my grandma died, my uncle (my dad’s only remaining family) also died. After both of these tragedies, I felt like the firm surface I had been standing on had disappeared. I then realized that I had put more faith in my dad than I had in God and that was why I had “fallen” when the one I trusted in most had swayed. I saw God at work through all this and really grew once I saw my need to grow in true faith.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Until the Music Stops
I wrote the following poem for Creative Writing, and although it doesn't have good rythm or anything, I felt it described the Christian walk beautifully.
Until the Music Stops
Advancing through the crowd of people,
Resolve set in His eyes.
Nervous anticipation overcomes my heart,
Feelings of uncertainty grow.
Smiling gently, He holds out His hand,
And I reluctantly accept.
The song playing is unfamiliar,
Yet out on the floor, I step.
I protest that I don’t know how to,
But He still holds my hand.
His other, He places softly on my waist,
Slowly, we begin.
He leads strongly, I soon find out,
And I have nothing to fear.
Even when I drown in His wondrous eyes,
I still don’t make a mistake.
But I start looking at other couples,
And forget about Him soon.
I step on His foot! and wait for harsh words,
Though none ever come.
Ashamed, I try to leave the floor,
But He won’t let me go.
The dance isn’t over yet, He says,
He wants me to dance some more.
When I follow His lead, I am blissfully unaware
Of any others in the room.
In His arms, I will still remain
Until the music stops.
Until the Music Stops
Advancing through the crowd of people,
Resolve set in His eyes.
Nervous anticipation overcomes my heart,
Feelings of uncertainty grow.
Smiling gently, He holds out His hand,
And I reluctantly accept.
The song playing is unfamiliar,
Yet out on the floor, I step.
I protest that I don’t know how to,
But He still holds my hand.
His other, He places softly on my waist,
Slowly, we begin.
He leads strongly, I soon find out,
And I have nothing to fear.
Even when I drown in His wondrous eyes,
I still don’t make a mistake.
But I start looking at other couples,
And forget about Him soon.
I step on His foot! and wait for harsh words,
Though none ever come.
Ashamed, I try to leave the floor,
But He won’t let me go.
The dance isn’t over yet, He says,
He wants me to dance some more.
When I follow His lead, I am blissfully unaware
Of any others in the room.
In His arms, I will still remain
Until the music stops.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Unwanted Gifts
Have you ever received a gift that you didn't want? I remember once I got a huge case of makeup from my neighbors for Christmas when I was eleven years old. To start off with, I wasn't allowed to wear makeup! And I didn't care about makeup or see what the point of it was (how much wiser I was then...). But what about spiritual gifts? I recently discovered that people generally are encouraged or enlightened and act upon devotions or Bible studies that I have been asked to lead. Those of you who have heard me and don't agree that I am gifted in this area, I heartily desire to agree with you. You see, I hate speaking in public. I hate doing anything in front of lots of people (except acting). I hate leading or standing out. And I'm naturally terrified of people in general. However, I was asked to lead a Bible Study for the first time a few weeks ago, and found people applying the lesson that I had taught on. I was encouraged until I received two more invitations to speak soon after that. I didn't want to. But I knew that if I could serve God in that way, I should. Why I am I talking about this now? Because I presented the story of Jesus at a Christmas party tonight to roomful of saved and unsaved girls. And I felt like I'd failed miserably. I had stuttered and my voice was tentative and I felt like I'd jumped all over the place without good connections and I forgot words and how to form sentences and the list goes on and on...
I talked to my mother (who had been there) about it in the car ride home, and told her I felt like Moses (from the Bible). She said "Why? Because you were the go-between for those girls to God?" That was definitely not what I was thinking. I was referring to how inadequate he felt because of his speech problems and timidity. However, in spite of myself, I think God used me. My mother and some of my friends and unsaved people told me that I put things in a way they hadn't thought of and I was really clear and engaged people well. (NOTE TO READERS: I am NOT saying ANY of this to get praise or glory or boast; PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT. I'm simply sharing what's been on my heart and mind.)
All this to say: if God has given you a gift or a talent that you are not comfortable with, He will not leave you on your own to figure out how to use it. So don't ignore your calling. He will be with you, even if you think you've messed up. Any thoughts, corrections, expoundings?
I talked to my mother (who had been there) about it in the car ride home, and told her I felt like Moses (from the Bible). She said "Why? Because you were the go-between for those girls to God?" That was definitely not what I was thinking. I was referring to how inadequate he felt because of his speech problems and timidity. However, in spite of myself, I think God used me. My mother and some of my friends and unsaved people told me that I put things in a way they hadn't thought of and I was really clear and engaged people well. (NOTE TO READERS: I am NOT saying ANY of this to get praise or glory or boast; PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT. I'm simply sharing what's been on my heart and mind.)
All this to say: if God has given you a gift or a talent that you are not comfortable with, He will not leave you on your own to figure out how to use it. So don't ignore your calling. He will be with you, even if you think you've messed up. Any thoughts, corrections, expoundings?
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Motives and Self-Deceit, Part 2
No, this isn't another deep post, really. It's a poem I wrote somewhat based off those problems. It's not very good because I wrote it purely for venting reasons, (side note: I am not this depressed on a regular basis; I was like this over a week ago.)but here it is:
d
The Hour of Revelation
d
Where are the stormclouds that should be hanging above?
The stars have overcome them.
The branches who dance so brightly with the breeze
Are out of tune with the dirge playing in my head.
d
Why I should be so in conflict with myself
Is something I do not know.
Which part of me is right, and which part
Needs to be rearranged?
g
The moon invites my to keep my tryst with him,
But tonight he only reminds me of the flaws
Wedged in the cracks of my heart.
Tonight, he holds no joy, but sorrow.
f
I live one way, but am I really someone else?
I never knew who I really was, and now
I wish I didn't.
Oh, evening, why must you always lay my secrets bare before me?
Motives and Self-deceit, Part 1
In one of my classes recently, we have been talking about our motives for doing good things. I wondered if my motives were true and right, so I prayed that the Holy Spirit would show me my real motives whenever I do something. I then started seeing my prideful spirit all over the place: "That girl dropped her books. Let me pick them up so she will think well of me.... and to be a good testimony of Christ." This is just one example, but there were many more. And then I wondered if it was possible to change my motives, because I tried but it wasn't working. Then the most puzzling question of all came up: If I do something for someone because I know it's right and I want them to have a good opinion of me, does that thing then become wrong for me because I'm not doing it for the right reasons? Does anyone have any answers to this? (By the way, the "self-deceit" part of the title has to do with the fact that I unconsciously deceived myself into thinking that my motives were pure and godly.)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Why am I trippin'?
I picked the name for this blog because first of all, if any of you know me, you know that I will trip over anything, even air! I also chose it because I 'trip' often in my Christian walk, and need Jesus to pick me back up, and hopefully this blog will be used to show His compassion in doing so for me repeatedly.
Romans 14:4 - "Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master, he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."
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