My Testimony

I realized that many of you may not know my testimony, so I wanted to share how God has worked in my life with you. This is a copied and pasted excerpt from a Word document, so it isn't perfect, but it will do the job.

I’ve been going to church since I was a baby. So if you asked me Sunday School questions, I could give you the Sunday School answers, like “Jesus”, “God”, “The Bible”, “pray”. I thought I was a exemplary church-going kid (at church); I knew all the right answers, I sat still and mess around, and participated in everything. At least I thought I was fooling everybody. At home, I did wrong things – I sinned. I fought with my brother behind my parent’s back and tormented him. He would talk to me while I was trying to read and I would wallop him. Then I made a bunch of promises I didn’t intend to keep to get him to shut up. I tyrannized him. I think one of the core problems was my rebellion. I knew that ,being a little kid, almost everyone could tell me what to do, but I couldn’t tell anyone else what to do. I wanted to think that I had lots of power – over myself and others. So ,in my mind, I thought up insults and emphatically hurled them at the people I was angry at. I hated them, with such an intense hatred. Of course, the hatred would go away after a while. But it was still hatred. Matthew 5:21-22 says, “You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” So, according to the Bible, I was guilty of murder.
I was not only hypocritical at church, but I was hypocritical directly to God. The only difference was God wasn’t fooled and I knew it. I made many false professions. They were mostly when I was waiting in my room for my consequences after I’d got caught doing something wrong. I usually told Jesus I was accepting Him as my Savior and “Lord of my life” (I didn’t mean it) if He put a force field around me so I wouldn’t get punished. I was an angel on Sunday and a brat the rest of the week. God knew I was a phony.
This continued until September 1, 2002, when I was up near Mt. Lassen on a camping trip. Some other Christians friends were with us that year. My brother and I were sitting unenthusiastically near the campfire for Breaking of Bread, a service we have on Sunday night to remember what Christ did for us, until one of our friends read Matthew 26:26-28, which says,

“As they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread and asked God’s blessing on it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, ‘Take it and eat it, for this is my body.’ And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, ‘Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which seals the covenant between God and His people. It is poured out to forgive the sins of many.’”

After I heard those verses, I started thinking about how Jesus had been spit on, whipped, beaten, scorned and how He had died. I realized how much He had suffered for me. I had heard the story many times before, but then it actually hit me. I could not bear to think of anyone going through that, much less for me. I was one of those people who had scorned Him and pierced His flesh because my sins had put Him on that cross. To think that He loved me this much even though I had been hateful towards Him made me wonder. I couldn’t understand it. It was too great for me to understand, but I knew all I could do in return was give my life to Him and love Him. I realized I was not a Christian. I knew that when I had prayed to Him before I had not meant it. My life had not changed becauses I had refused to change it.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

So, I told Jesus that I was sorry for all the sins I had committed and I was so thankful that He died on the cross for me and that He didn’t stay dead. He had risen. I told Him I accepted Him as my Savior and I wanted Him to be the Lord of my life. I asked him to please change my life.

Since then, I don’t often desire to sin, though I do sin sometimes. But when I sin, I confess it to Jesus and my parents. I am more patient with my brother and do not take things from him – usually. I am usually patient with him. I still sometimes blow up at him, but afterwards I apologize (and I’m sincere) and get the situation straightened out. That’s another thing! I never wanted to hear his side of the story before, but now I’m interested in his perspective. There are still areas in my relationship with him that I need to work on (with God’s help), but now I desire to have a good relationship with him. God’s Word, which was once dead to me, is now full of new truths and I find peace and guidance when I read it. I do not often think hateful things towards people because it doesn’t appeal much to me anymore. Jesus began making His will my own.

A time in my life came when God showed me his faithfulness and taught me faith. Two years ago, my grandmother died after a five-day warning. I was devastated, not only because of my relationship with her, but also because of the effect it had on my dad. My dad was my role model and confidante and I looked to him for everything. He had taken care of my grandmother even more than her husband had. So, when she died, he took it really hard. I found that I didn’t know him anymore because he seemed so unsure and indifferent about things. I began to be really angry, but I didn’t know who to be angry at. A week after my grandma died, my uncle (my dad’s only remaining family) also died. After both of these tragedies, I felt like the firm surface I had been standing on had disappeared. I then realized that I had put more faith in my dad than I had in God and that was why I had “fallen” when the one I trusted in most had swayed. I saw God at work through all this and really grew once I saw my need to grow in true faith.